When the candle burns at both ends

Stress is at first a neutral term: it describes how we appraise an event and respond to it – physically, mentally, emotionally and in our behavior (Kaluza, 2018). It becomes problematic not because of the strain itself, but when activation becomes chronic without sufficient recovery: through increased muscle tension, disturbed sleep and a weakened immune system, ongoing stress leads into a vicious circle of tension, exhaustion and declining performance (Kaluza, 2018). At the end of this development there is often burnout syndrome with its four facets of physical, emotional, mental and social exhaustion.

From a systemic point of view, stress rarely arises in the individual alone. It is embedded in interactions between the person and their environment: workplaces with high demands and little decision-making latitude, a lack of social support and a lack of recognition are considered particularly stressful (Kaluza, 2018). Personal “stress amplifiers” – such as the demand “Be perfect!” or “Hang in there!” – also develop within relationships, often over years, and act like unconsciously inherited family rules that are reactivated under pressure.

It helps to look at three levels at once: changing the external stressors themselves (instrumental competence), reviewing your own appraisal of the situation (mental competence) and ensuring regular recovery (regenerative competence) ^[1]. What matters is a conscious rather than automatic way of dealing with strain – one that also asks which values and relationships actually need protecting in a given situation.

Counseling is therefore not only about relaxation techniques, but about looking together at your personal stress profile, your unconscious drivers and your social support network – so that a state of overload can turn back into a sustainable balance.